


A Certain Kind of Persuasion

by takaraikarin



Series: 30-Days Drabbles [8]
Category: DCU, Smallville
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Bruce is a rickety old dude who gets in the way of young love, Clark needs to get laid, Fluff and Crack, Lex likes to pretend he's a free-spirited cupid, M/M, but not really, he really isn't, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-18
Updated: 2013-04-18
Packaged: 2017-12-08 20:26:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/765643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takaraikarin/pseuds/takaraikarin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein one half of Kon's parents is too self-righteous for his own good and the other half has questionable morals.</p><p>Kon just needs them to help him date Tim.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Certain Kind of Persuasion

**Author's Note:**

> Just some bouts of silliness and Canon? What Canon material. I almost binned the whole thing as it was just too ridiculous, but the bunny won’t leave me alone, so here’s it anyway.
> 
> Wherein Lex tries to be the best Dad he knew how.

‘And he just threw me out of the building! Literally!’

‘He literally _threw_ you out of a building?’

‘Yeah, he opened the window to Tim’s room and just pushed me over! The guy’s a lunatic!’

Lex very politely didn’t point out that getting thrown out of buildings are hardly dangerous for the boy. ‘Well, everybody who channels bats as their spirit animals are bound to be nuts, dear.’

‘Dad, aren’t you the slightest bit concerned?’

Lex knew, when Kon started using the ‘D’ word on him, that the boy was serious. He angled his chair to face the boy more fully. ‘Have you tried reasoning with him, then? There might be a smidgen of non-paranoid grey matter still left under that mask after all.’

‘He won’t listen to me!’ Kon sank into the couch. ‘He just keeps glaring and saying any attempts I should take on Tim’s virtue would resulted in Kryptonite jails and much bodily harm! Can you believe him?! The last time, he—’

‘What do you attempt to do with Tim’s virtue, then?’ Lex halted Kon’s rant.

The boy closed his mouth at that and fidgeted. ‘Um, depends on what you mean by ‘virtue’…’

‘It’s quite clear, really, you either want to bang the babybat or you don’t.’

‘Dad!’ Kon exclaimed, sounding scandalized. Lex leveled a look at the boy’s wide eyes and sighed. Has Clark been teaching him useless stuff like modesty again?

‘I’m not— it’s not just— the two of us aren’t _like_ that, okay? Sure, Tim’s getting really touchy-feely these days, and that’s nice and all, and the last time we managed to sneak out behind Mr. Wayne’s back he blushed really cutely and said he’d prepared himself—I mean, I’m not really sure what he meant by that, but I take it maybe he’s ready to go as far as to even make out with me, and—’

‘Kon, please stop right there,’ Lex said, a look of horror on his face before he buried his face in his hands.

 _Oh, the poor babybat_ , he mentally groaned, actually genuinely feeling sorry for the kid. A little inexperience in a lover is perfectly fine, but Lex is unfortunately very well-versed in the sheer frustrations and blue balls that resulted from a _clueless. Ignorant. **drunk-on their own misplaced chivalry**_ kind of lover. His toys drawer doubled in size while he waited for a certain ignorant prick to get a clue.

Worst of all, the prick seemed to have raised his son to be just as ignorant as he was.

 _This is not done_. Lex gritted his teeth and raised his head to look at his son again. Kon is half a Luthor, damnit. Lex wasn’t going to just let him be raised to be Clark 2.0 – clone or no – not when he finally has a place in the boy’s life. 

Maybe Lex just has to show the boy how profitable having questionable morals can be.

‘I’ll talk to Bruce.’

Kon looked instantly alarmed. ‘What? No, don’t.’

‘And why is that?’

‘Clark already tried and he couldn’t convinced him,’

‘Dearest,’ Lex started, his voice sweet, the kind that he uses on idiots he’s willing to suffer. ‘Unless Bruce Wayne is now suddenly a 70 year old lady with cats, there’s no way your father would be able to convince him of anything.’

Kon deflated. ‘You’re right, but that doesn’t mean you should do it though, you might make him angrier.’ Kon is much familiar with how easily Lex can rile up Clark with just a word or two. Doing that to Bruce Wayne of all people can be disastrous.

‘On the contrary, son,’ Lex said, lips canted in a smirk that Kon always found strangely endearing. ‘I can be very… _persuasive_.’

-

Kon caught Lex talking to what can only be Bruce Wayne a few days later with an invitation to a theatre troupe Lex patrons. And dinner. They were talking about dinner. When Lex finished the call – after chuckling at something Wayne said, _and how weird was that?_ – Kon was still rooted in his spot. 

‘Wha…’ was the only thing he could managed.

‘I knew he still has a soft spot for theatre, that one. Always such a sucker for the dramatics.’ 

It took an embarrassingly long time for Kon to realize Lex was referring to Wayne. Lex was practically saying stuff as if Wayne is a real person, or something. 

The ‘Bruce Wayne, Normal Person’ line of thinking was hurting his head as he tried to process it, so he could only managed to croak out, ‘why do you know that?’ 

Lex leveled that look again on him. ‘Bruce and I go way back,’ he said, the beginning of a smirk on his lips. ‘We have a lot of catching up to do.’ And now the smirk was in full bloom.

Kon tried not to think of the ways Wayne and Lex ‘catching up’ would look like. His mind seemed to think that way lies fire and rubbles. 

-

Kon was wide awake on The Catching Up night, couldn’t help but fret as he waited for Lex to come back. He heard the distinctive hum of a sports car making its way towards the Luthor mansion. It’s getting closer, probably only a mile away now. The boy stopped hovering out of the balcony and slipped inside through one of the garden doors, just in time to see a Lamborghini Avantador slid smoothly into their courtyard and cut its engine.

His eyes widened at the sight he greeted with as the occupants of the car came inside.

Kon had never seen Lex drunk before, but it was clear from the way he barely carried himself that he was more than a little tipsy. Beside him, Bruce Wayne wasn’t faring much better, although he still retained enough balance that he’s got a hand wrapped tightly around Lex’s waist to keep the man upright.

An unfamiliar sound could be heard then and Kon was shocked to realize Lex was giggling. And Mr. Wayne was snickering with him.

_They’ve all gone batshit. Something evil must be at hand. Somebody with a power to control minds..._

While Kon wracked his brain to figure out who could have the capability to do so, weighting whether he has the time to contact the other Titans members, Lex tried to step forward and was uncoordinated enough that his shoes tripped on the edge of the parlor’s carpet. On reflex, he grabbed onto Wayne’s suit collar, causing him to lose his balance completely. They toppled unceremoniously onto the loveseat, Wayne’s body landing on top of Lex’s.

Kon watched in transfixed horror at what could possibly happen after that. If pressed, he would’ve put his money on expletives and certain level of violence being thrown out, but nothing of the sort happened.

Because Lex apparently found having Bruce Wayne on top of him to be amusing in some way, and he giggled again. And Wayne had a look on his face that’s similar to what Kon would sometimes see on Clark’s when he thought nobody was noticing him staring at Lex. Tim called it ‘the sickening resigned-cum-enthralled look’.

Kon thinks his super smart boyfriend can be pretty daft sometimes. He has long accepted the fact that his dads hate each other, and he’s okay with that so long as they’re not taking it out on him.

Bruce Wayne didn’t look like he’s about to get angry at Lex, though. They’re somehow stuck in a moment where their gazes locked with each other. Lex then squirmed his body _just so_ and in a blink of an eye Wayne ducked his head forward with an animalistic groan and started shoving his tongue into Lex’s mouth, a movement which Lex seemed to enthusiastically reciprocate.

Bells, alarms and sirens went off in Kon’s head.

_Ohmygod. Why. He’s eating Lex’s face off. Why._

Lex’s hands came up to bury his fingers in Wayne’s hair, pulling him even closer. Wayne’s hands went down, slipped between the seats to reach Lex’s ass, and started kneading at them.

_Ohmygodstopitstopitstopit._

After what seemed like ages of grappling and rubbing and eating faces, the two men broke the kiss off, breathless, chests heaving. Lex had a dazed look on his face that made Wayne groaned again. He then proceeded to trail small kisses from Lex’s temple down to his exposed neck.

When their eyes met again, Wayne had a thoughtful look on his face.

‘You know what, I think you’re right.’

‘About?’ Lex said, still breathlessly.

‘About young love.’

The small smile that bloomed on Lex’s face then was not something Kon had ever seen before, and it made him gasped.

‘I knew you’d remember what it feels like to be that young and in love,’

Wayne kissed him again at that, a bit more tenderly than before, and the two shared small, unhurried kisses before they both decided it’d be best for Wayne to retire for the night. Wayne lingered on the doorway, and they promised they should do that again sometime. He left with a cloud of dust behind his Avantador.

Lex closed the door and walked towards the parlor, near where Kon’s standing behind the stairs and said,

‘Come thank me, dearest,’

Kon came out of his hiding, puzzled. Lex’s lips were bright red and well-kissed, but his smirk was a personification of a cat who got the cream. ‘…thank you for what?’ Kon asked, unsure.

‘As long as you mind the babybat’s study, his missions and his apprenticeship with Bruce, you’re allowed to see him now.’

Kon’s eyes grew impossibly large. ‘Tim? I’m allowed to see Tim??’ In a flash, he was in front of Lex and hugged him hard enough Lex’s feet left the ground. ‘ _Seriously_ , Dad? You’re awesome!’

Lex took a slight step away from his son and his superhuman power to smirk some more before stepping towards his own bedroom wing.

‘I told you I can be very persuasive,’ he called behind his back, not a trace of the previous drunkenness in his positively feline gait. 

Kon looked at the man in awe.

-

‘Sorry Clark, I can’t today,’

‘What do you mean, you can’t? I got off work early cause I thought we could spend some time together and I could cheer you up about Tim.’

‘I’m on my way to see Tim right now.’

‘What? How? I thought Bruce—ah, I see. So he finally decided to listen to me and be reasonable, huh.’

‘Uh, actually no. Lex convinced Mr. Wayne to let me see him.’

‘ _Lex_ convinced him? How?’

‘Uhh… by being very persuasive?’

‘Oh my god… what kind of trickery did he use? …Connor. Listen to me. You know whatever he’s done you shouldn’t imitate him, right?’

‘Clark, relax, whatever happened between Lex and Mr. Wayne is private anyway, I don’t see how it’s any of your—’

‘Something _private_ happened between him and Bruce Wayne??’

‘Clark, chill, Lex is his own person—’

‘He’s right, Clark, it’s none of your goddamn business.’

‘Damnit Lex, what kind of example were you being to Kon?? I sure hope _my son_ hasn’t seen anything improper—’

‘Save your self-righteous rants for somebody who cares, I really cannot give a—’

The sounds of his parents bickering and bickering some more were what accompanied Kon that afternoon as he flew out the mansion window to meet his boyfriend.

His super smart boyfriend did say once though, that his dads looked like they’re enjoying themselves when they snap at each other like that. Kon decided to put his faith in his boyfriend’s words and, without a single worry in mind, left them to it.

_**It has been a beautiful fight. Still is.**  
\--Charles Bukowski_

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 30-Day Drabbles Challenge based on the prompt above.


End file.
